Divine Dances of the Ya-Ya Brotherhood

My two children spend, and have always spent, most of their days in a structured school environment so that I can work. I have guilt, and feel like I am missing out on critical bonding time with them during their day, so I am forever trying to come up with ideas that are "uniquely me" to help me bond with them. Often, they are so happy to see me, and relieved to be home, that they have an abundance of energy that cannot be contained. On those days, the constant chatter and loud silliness starts in the car ride home and then spills out of the garage into the house. On those days, it is difficult for me to change my clothes and get dinner going because they are literally hanging on me, talking to me, tugging on my clothes, etc. I needed something we could do together when we got home, that was quick and easy and a no-fuss treat for them, that would make them feel like they were getting some special attention from me and would diffuse some of that extra energy. Behold "ya-ya" time.*

We drop everything as soon as we get in the door. I put on some fun music, turn up the volume, and we dance around the living room being crazy. It only takes about 10 or 15 minutes before they feel sufficiently spent. We started with the B-52s - they LOVE "Rock Lobster" - but they now want their own music. We are currently all about the Naked Brothers Band, and they don't even request that I join them in the dancing. I know it's time for divine dances of the ya-ya brotherhood when one of them says "Mom, can we get our ya-yas out, please?"

Recently I caught myself watching them. It warmed my heart to see my sons, totally uninhibited and full of joy, leaping and dancing together. They had big smiles on their faces. They grabbed stuffed animals for dance partners. There was no special occasion; it was just an ordinary day like any other. How lucky am I?? What a great day!!

*The idea of "ya-ya" time is not my own. How we do it is our own special creation, but I read about the idea in a parenting magazine somewhere.

The Days They are a-Changin'

Until recently, a typical weekday for me went something like this: up at 6:15 a.m.; shower and dress; pack lunches and backpacks; make breakfast; rustle awake two young sleepyheads; beg and plead for my children to eat, brush and dress; load the car; first grade dropoff; preschool dropoff; fight traffic for 40 minutes to travel a whopping 14 miles; work all day as a litigation attorney; scramble out of the office at 5:00 to fight traffic again; first grade pickup and preschool pickup by 6:00; make dinner; fight about homework; dishes; baths; bedtime stories; and tucked in children by 8:30. Then I got to start on all of the other things that "normal" people do when they get home. It was exhausting. I've been doing some version of this routine for the past six years, but totally by myself during the last three. And my single-mom routine is not very different from the routines of many, many single moms, and I even had the benefit of a very good job, very good childcare, an ex-husband who is around for his children, and regular child support payments. Many single moms don't have that financial strength I had. I knew I was tired, but I didn't realize how tired until the universe pitched me a curve ball.

About a month ago, after working for the same employer for almost 5 years, I lost my job. I was shocked and upset at first, naturally, but the strangest thing happened on that very day: I slept better that first night than I have in months, maybe even years! And my sleeping "issues" - not being able to fall asleep, waking in the middle of the night, struggling to get up in the morning - are basically gone. Go figure. There must have been some relief in knowing I didn't have to get up and do that darned routine again.

After the shock wore off, and I squashed the rising panic, this change in circumstances is probably a good thing. I really needed some time off - to rest, to clear my head, to unclutter my life - and now I have it. Don't get me wrong, I MUST find another job, and I'm actively looking for work, but it's nice to be able to cook for my children, go to the gym, volunteer at school, help out some friends, and still pick my children up in the afternoon with plenty of time left in our day to be a family.

Now a typical weekday looks something like this: up at 6:45 a.m.; dress; pack lunches and backpacks; make breakfast; rustle awake two young sleepyheads; beg and plead for my children to eat, brush and dress; load the car; first grade dropoff; preschool dropoff; have coffee with the "guys" at the donut shop (unless I'm volunteering in my son's classroom); go to the gym; shower; spend 1-2 hours on the computer doing job search-related things; chores/errands; watch a little TV/movie; first grade pickup; preschool pickup; make dinner; fight about homework; dishes; baths; bedtime stories; and tucked in children by 8:30. On most nights I don't have to do anything after the kids are in bed because either (1) I already did it, or (2) I could do it tomorrow.

I have a much calmer existence now. I have plenty to keep me busy, but nothing tragic happens if I choose to forego the chores/errands and relax instead. Too bad I don't have that "I love to clean" gene. I know my calmer existence is only temporary, but I'm going to enjoy it while I can. Yes, the days they are a-changin.