Wow, I can't believe I haven't posted since February. Apparently I've been busy. I have a list of blog subjects but I just haven't felt inspired, and since I write so much for a living, I have to feel inspired to sit down and write for fun.
Project Pound Loss Week 25: I suck it! Two steps forward then one step back. Down, then up. I've clearly lost focus but I haven't given up! My Weight Watchers buddy is doing amazingly well, but I am not. I had an epiphany: Weight Watchers doesn't work if you don't work the program. Duh.
It's T minus 20 days until another big career move. After 2 years practicing on my own, after 6 months of not really working, I'm going back to employee status starting July 1. The Universe kept tossing life preservers to me and they all brought me back to the same place: I want and need the security (however fleeting) that full-time employment brings. My clients that were coming out of the woodwork don't pay. I hardly made any money last year, but I made enough to get drilled by self-employment taxes. Another law firm in my town closed, once again flooding the legal community with smart, qualified lawyers. So I took the risk and asked for what I wanted: a full-time position with the firm where I've been contracting part-time for the past two years. And they said yes. As a result, my calendar has exploded and I am a very busy woman.
I hope to get back to regular blogging ... it's a sweet release for me. Plus, I have some great stories to share.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Project Pound Loss: Week 5 and Old Habits Die Hard
This past week was NOT a good week. I was busy, so I didn't track my food and I ate out a lot. Didn't I just say last week that those are two things I MUST do to succeed on my weight loss journey? Yeah, well, apparently I was just moving my lips. And this week I'm paying the price. I gained this week, and I gained enough that I basically set myself back 2 (or maybe 3) weeks. Curses.
Part of the process is to analyze choices and figure out what would have been the better choice. Without tracking it's hard to be thorough, but here's what I know. I had fast food three times in one week. Not good, and not okay when trying to lose weight. Even the "good" choices at fast food restaurants are weight loss saboteurs. During bunco last Friday, I drank too much wine. That probably wouldn't have been too bad, but considering I had a full meal after munching on the most delightful potato chips, the wine put me over the edge. But friends, those were the BEST potato chips (and I don't even usually eat salty snacks!) . So of course I had too many. And then, during the Superbowl, I didn't eat for a really long time and then gorged because I was so hungry. And I drank vodka lemonade. (Gasp!) Must. Keep. Eating. To. Avoid. Feeling. Starved. At a board meeting last night, I mindlessly snacked on cheese and crackers. I have no idea how much I ate, but it wasn't pretty.
I haven't ruined my first WW milestone - losing 5 pounds - but I should be reaching my second milestone and I'm nowhere close.
It's a "habit" to go hours without eating and then overeat because I am so hungry. It is a "habit" to snack on hors d'ouerves before eating a meal. It's a habit to drink socially and not keep track of how much I've had. It's a habit to leave the house without eating and then stop somewhere for something "quick." It's a habit to eat on the go. Old habits will be the death of me. They must die!
Part of the process is to analyze choices and figure out what would have been the better choice. Without tracking it's hard to be thorough, but here's what I know. I had fast food three times in one week. Not good, and not okay when trying to lose weight. Even the "good" choices at fast food restaurants are weight loss saboteurs. During bunco last Friday, I drank too much wine. That probably wouldn't have been too bad, but considering I had a full meal after munching on the most delightful potato chips, the wine put me over the edge. But friends, those were the BEST potato chips (and I don't even usually eat salty snacks!) . So of course I had too many. And then, during the Superbowl, I didn't eat for a really long time and then gorged because I was so hungry. And I drank vodka lemonade. (Gasp!) Must. Keep. Eating. To. Avoid. Feeling. Starved. At a board meeting last night, I mindlessly snacked on cheese and crackers. I have no idea how much I ate, but it wasn't pretty.
I haven't ruined my first WW milestone - losing 5 pounds - but I should be reaching my second milestone and I'm nowhere close.
It's a "habit" to go hours without eating and then overeat because I am so hungry. It is a "habit" to snack on hors d'ouerves before eating a meal. It's a habit to drink socially and not keep track of how much I've had. It's a habit to leave the house without eating and then stop somewhere for something "quick." It's a habit to eat on the go. Old habits will be the death of me. They must die!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Project Pound Loss: Week 4 is slow and steady
The good news is, I lost this week. The bad news is, last week's gain slowed me down.
The following observations have become abundantly clear:
1. I must track my food. "Guessing" or "estimating" does not work, partly because I don't know the program well enough yet but also because I forget about little snacks and things that I shove in my mouth along the way.
2. I must prepare my own food. Seriously, it does not matter where you eat - eating "out" is not weight loss friendly. Portions are too big (even of the "healthy" stuff). Even "grilled" things are not dry grilled like you would do at home; the grill is regularly lubed in restaurants so food doesn't stick. Restaurant food is heavily salted (most of the time), which ultimately results in too much sodium for the day.
3. I need to cook several meals - but not the whole week - in one sitting. I need to divide it into proper portions so I can just grab it and throw it in my lunch during the mad morning dash, or pop it in the micro after a long day. If I expect myself to cook dinner every night, I am setting myself up for failure. If I cook for the whole week, however, I get tired of the food and want something else, usually something bad.
4. It is not okay to binge on "bad" food after my weigh-in. This appears to be a pattern developing so I need to nip it.
5. I simply will not lose this weight if I do not find time for exercise.
6. I need to drink more water.
Total pounds lost so far: 7.6 in 4 weeks
The following observations have become abundantly clear:
1. I must track my food. "Guessing" or "estimating" does not work, partly because I don't know the program well enough yet but also because I forget about little snacks and things that I shove in my mouth along the way.
2. I must prepare my own food. Seriously, it does not matter where you eat - eating "out" is not weight loss friendly. Portions are too big (even of the "healthy" stuff). Even "grilled" things are not dry grilled like you would do at home; the grill is regularly lubed in restaurants so food doesn't stick. Restaurant food is heavily salted (most of the time), which ultimately results in too much sodium for the day.
3. I need to cook several meals - but not the whole week - in one sitting. I need to divide it into proper portions so I can just grab it and throw it in my lunch during the mad morning dash, or pop it in the micro after a long day. If I expect myself to cook dinner every night, I am setting myself up for failure. If I cook for the whole week, however, I get tired of the food and want something else, usually something bad.
4. It is not okay to binge on "bad" food after my weigh-in. This appears to be a pattern developing so I need to nip it.
5. I simply will not lose this weight if I do not find time for exercise.
6. I need to drink more water.
Total pounds lost so far: 7.6 in 4 weeks
Roller Queen, That's Me!
I grew up in a small town (at least by Southern California standards). When I was growing up, there wasn't a whole lot to do. We had two movie theaters - a "walk-in" with two screens and a "drive-in" with one screen. Back then they didn't have indoor play structures, or warehouses full of bouncehouses ... we just made do with good old-fashioned imagination. We had a single bowling alley that was always occupied with league play. The nearest mall was 30 minutes away "over the hill" or "in the valley." We did, however, have a skating rink. From about seventh through tenth grade - until friends started driving and dating - we young teenagers spent just about every Friday night and Saturday night at the "roller rink." Either my mom or the mom of a friend would drop us off at the rink, we'd pay our couple of dollars to get in, and a parent would return for us in a couple of hours.
Talking about a roller rink elicits certain memories for me. Why was the carpet always so ugly? And really, how many rows of lockers do you need for a couple of hours of skating. All the cool kids had their own skates, and the not-cool kids had to rent those babypoop brown skates. I remember BEGGING for my own skates and finally getting some beautiful pristine white "girls" skates for Christmas one year. (And then, of course, I had to beg for the accessories - the colored laces, the pom poms, the neon wheels, etc.) The snack bar had delicious junk food - or so I heard - but I never had any money to buy any. If you ever spent any time in a skating rink as a kid, you'll remember this: standing along the barrier wall, near the entrance to the rink, waiting and wishing and hoping that cool cute guy would ask you to skate during the "couples" skate. It seemed like every roller rink, no matter where it was, had the same "theme" skates - all boys fast skate, all girls fast skate, hokey pokey, couples, reverse direction, etc. They all had disco balls in the center, and a DJ who shouted into the microphone so loud and fast that you couldn't even understand him. I was a decent roller skater, though certainly not one of the cool kids. I could skate backwards, though I never really mastered it. I could do spins and a few ice-skating-type tricks. And I could skate FAST. It was so much fun.
When I was in college and after, the rollerblade craze started. I jumped on that band wagon, hung up my roller skates, and bought a sleek pair of inline skates. I bought wrist guards and knee pads, but I would not be caught DEAD with a helmet on. And, looking back, I wonder why no one ever espoused about the benefits of padded pants, maybe like the ones bikers wear. At any rate, my enamor with rollerblades was over really quickly. It was really hard. And I kept falling. Hard. I put them away for a couple of years, and then tried them again when I was 30. While blading with a friend (who was much better than me), I fell so hard that I thought for sure I broke my coccyx. That was the end of all form of skating for me.
So guess what I did a couple of days ago? I went roller skating!! And let me tell you, not much has changed. The carpet is still ugly. The wall still has rows and rows of lockers. The snack bar sold junk. The kid behind the rental counter was on skates, moving around smoothly and confidently, and doubled as the DJ. They did an all boys fast skate, an all girls fast skate, and the hokey pokey. We couldn't understand a word the kid said over the intercom. There was a disco ball above the floor (or a disco-ball effect somewhere else in the rink). "Old school" was in the house: the kid with the rubber legs, gliding quietly across the floor, passing everyone; the boys who raced each other - even though racing is not allowed - weaving in and out of the slower, less skilled skaters; the girls who don't know how to skate, holding on to each other as they scoot in the inner circle of the floor, practically falling and laughing hysterically; the 14-year-olds holding hands as they skate around and around; the boy skating backwards with his hands on the hips of his girlfriend. I was flooded with deja vu!
There was one significant difference. Roller derby girls. There were several of them. You can't miss them, what with the 70s style shorts over leggings, all of the padding, the specific-purpose skates. One had what I suspect is her derby name written across her backside. Another was teaching her young daughter a fast start. These women seemed fairly unskilled compared to the derby girls I've seen during derby exhibitions ... until it was time for the fast skate. Those women got out there and hauled A--. And I think one woman was a derby ref (or is it an ump?) because she was skating faster backwards than everyone else was skating forward. And then it dawned on me that those markings on the floor were probably roller derby markings. It turns out, my area has at least three roller derby teams. That's something I must explore (and blog about later).
I had some revelations: Skating is good exercise! My legs were tired, I know I worked my back muscles and I was sweating. It turns out I'm still a pretty good skater ... for a middle-aged overweight woman who hasn't been on skates in 30 years. I only fell once - and I was SPINNING when I did it. So there.
Talking about a roller rink elicits certain memories for me. Why was the carpet always so ugly? And really, how many rows of lockers do you need for a couple of hours of skating. All the cool kids had their own skates, and the not-cool kids had to rent those babypoop brown skates. I remember BEGGING for my own skates and finally getting some beautiful pristine white "girls" skates for Christmas one year. (And then, of course, I had to beg for the accessories - the colored laces, the pom poms, the neon wheels, etc.) The snack bar had delicious junk food - or so I heard - but I never had any money to buy any. If you ever spent any time in a skating rink as a kid, you'll remember this: standing along the barrier wall, near the entrance to the rink, waiting and wishing and hoping that cool cute guy would ask you to skate during the "couples" skate. It seemed like every roller rink, no matter where it was, had the same "theme" skates - all boys fast skate, all girls fast skate, hokey pokey, couples, reverse direction, etc. They all had disco balls in the center, and a DJ who shouted into the microphone so loud and fast that you couldn't even understand him. I was a decent roller skater, though certainly not one of the cool kids. I could skate backwards, though I never really mastered it. I could do spins and a few ice-skating-type tricks. And I could skate FAST. It was so much fun.
When I was in college and after, the rollerblade craze started. I jumped on that band wagon, hung up my roller skates, and bought a sleek pair of inline skates. I bought wrist guards and knee pads, but I would not be caught DEAD with a helmet on. And, looking back, I wonder why no one ever espoused about the benefits of padded pants, maybe like the ones bikers wear. At any rate, my enamor with rollerblades was over really quickly. It was really hard. And I kept falling. Hard. I put them away for a couple of years, and then tried them again when I was 30. While blading with a friend (who was much better than me), I fell so hard that I thought for sure I broke my coccyx. That was the end of all form of skating for me.
So guess what I did a couple of days ago? I went roller skating!! And let me tell you, not much has changed. The carpet is still ugly. The wall still has rows and rows of lockers. The snack bar sold junk. The kid behind the rental counter was on skates, moving around smoothly and confidently, and doubled as the DJ. They did an all boys fast skate, an all girls fast skate, and the hokey pokey. We couldn't understand a word the kid said over the intercom. There was a disco ball above the floor (or a disco-ball effect somewhere else in the rink). "Old school" was in the house: the kid with the rubber legs, gliding quietly across the floor, passing everyone; the boys who raced each other - even though racing is not allowed - weaving in and out of the slower, less skilled skaters; the girls who don't know how to skate, holding on to each other as they scoot in the inner circle of the floor, practically falling and laughing hysterically; the 14-year-olds holding hands as they skate around and around; the boy skating backwards with his hands on the hips of his girlfriend. I was flooded with deja vu!
There was one significant difference. Roller derby girls. There were several of them. You can't miss them, what with the 70s style shorts over leggings, all of the padding, the specific-purpose skates. One had what I suspect is her derby name written across her backside. Another was teaching her young daughter a fast start. These women seemed fairly unskilled compared to the derby girls I've seen during derby exhibitions ... until it was time for the fast skate. Those women got out there and hauled A--. And I think one woman was a derby ref (or is it an ump?) because she was skating faster backwards than everyone else was skating forward. And then it dawned on me that those markings on the floor were probably roller derby markings. It turns out, my area has at least three roller derby teams. That's something I must explore (and blog about later).
I had some revelations: Skating is good exercise! My legs were tired, I know I worked my back muscles and I was sweating. It turns out I'm still a pretty good skater ... for a middle-aged overweight woman who hasn't been on skates in 30 years. I only fell once - and I was SPINNING when I did it. So there.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I Used to Be A Complainer
I don't mean to make myself sound older than I am, but do you remember when customer service actually meant something? I'm not talking about the idyllic 50s that has been portrayed on television and in movies (though we know it was not nearly as idyllic as the entertainment industry would like us to believe it was); I'm not THAT old. I'm talking about the 70s and even into the 80s.
Remember when diners were not expected to leave a 20% tip unless the service was great, and a simple comment to a staffer about something amiss - a dirty bathroom, a mistake on a bill, cold food, etc. - warranted a visit from the manager? The idea that a customer might complain to someone higher up the food chain (pun intended) was enough to make managers do whatever was necessary to make it right. It was not unusual to get a comped meal or dessert or a discount coupon for the next visit. In my experience, in today's restaurants, the manager isn't even there half the time and customers NEVER get anything comped. The wait staff is usually hustling but everyone else seems to stand around a lot.
But the restaurant industry isn't the only one that has allowed customer service to become extinct. Remember when gas stations were "service" stations? Full service was the same price as self service, and it included a fill up, a window cleaning, an oil check, tire check, etc. And - gasp! - you could ask for directions and you might even get a free map. Now you can't ask for directions because some young kid is behind the counter in the mini-mart. Maps are $5 - if they have them. You have to pump your own gas; in fact, very few gas stations have "full service" as an option even if you were inclined to pay the higher per gallon price. And the clincher?? We now have to PAY for air and water!!
When I was a kid and even into college, when I went to the grocery store, the butcher knew everything I could possibly ask about meat and poultry. The produce man would cut open a melon and let me taste it. The liquor department had its own manager, who bought everything the store sold, and could recommend a great gift or pairing. There were stock clerks everywhere and plenty of checkers. In today's "super" markets, we have banks and coffee shops and pharmacies but God help you if you need to ask a question about something; you will have to schlep all the way up to the front of the store just to ask for help, and then you have to wait while someone who knows next-to-nothing comes to "help" you. If you're lucky enough to have one of the nicer markets in your area, you pay about 4-10% more for your groceries. And let me tell you ... I worked in the grocery industry in the 80s and today's grocery employees do not make much more than I made way back then, and their benefits and retirement are not as good as they were, so we can't blame the inferior service on high-paid union members.
Back in those days, if you experienced poor customer service, you could get satisfaction. I used to write letters; anytime my customer service was lower than an acceptable level, I wrote a letter of complaint. And guess what? I ALWAYS got some sort of response. Some responses were better than others, but the point is, I always got a return letter or phone call. Managers made me feel like my business was appreciated and they wanted to keep it. Sometimes I got free stuff, much to the laughter and giggling of friends and family. (My cousin's husband used to urge me to write letters because he loved it when I got free stuff!). Sometimes I just got an apology. And you know what, the apology was fine. No matter the response, I felt like my opinion mattered. Now THAT is customer service.
Now let's look at customer service today. Oh, wait. There isn't any. We don't interact with people; instead we are sent to a website. Sometimes we are told to fill out a comment card. But you know what? I never hear from anyone anymore.
I miss the good ole days.
Remember when diners were not expected to leave a 20% tip unless the service was great, and a simple comment to a staffer about something amiss - a dirty bathroom, a mistake on a bill, cold food, etc. - warranted a visit from the manager? The idea that a customer might complain to someone higher up the food chain (pun intended) was enough to make managers do whatever was necessary to make it right. It was not unusual to get a comped meal or dessert or a discount coupon for the next visit. In my experience, in today's restaurants, the manager isn't even there half the time and customers NEVER get anything comped. The wait staff is usually hustling but everyone else seems to stand around a lot.
But the restaurant industry isn't the only one that has allowed customer service to become extinct. Remember when gas stations were "service" stations? Full service was the same price as self service, and it included a fill up, a window cleaning, an oil check, tire check, etc. And - gasp! - you could ask for directions and you might even get a free map. Now you can't ask for directions because some young kid is behind the counter in the mini-mart. Maps are $5 - if they have them. You have to pump your own gas; in fact, very few gas stations have "full service" as an option even if you were inclined to pay the higher per gallon price. And the clincher?? We now have to PAY for air and water!!
When I was a kid and even into college, when I went to the grocery store, the butcher knew everything I could possibly ask about meat and poultry. The produce man would cut open a melon and let me taste it. The liquor department had its own manager, who bought everything the store sold, and could recommend a great gift or pairing. There were stock clerks everywhere and plenty of checkers. In today's "super" markets, we have banks and coffee shops and pharmacies but God help you if you need to ask a question about something; you will have to schlep all the way up to the front of the store just to ask for help, and then you have to wait while someone who knows next-to-nothing comes to "help" you. If you're lucky enough to have one of the nicer markets in your area, you pay about 4-10% more for your groceries. And let me tell you ... I worked in the grocery industry in the 80s and today's grocery employees do not make much more than I made way back then, and their benefits and retirement are not as good as they were, so we can't blame the inferior service on high-paid union members.
Back in those days, if you experienced poor customer service, you could get satisfaction. I used to write letters; anytime my customer service was lower than an acceptable level, I wrote a letter of complaint. And guess what? I ALWAYS got some sort of response. Some responses were better than others, but the point is, I always got a return letter or phone call. Managers made me feel like my business was appreciated and they wanted to keep it. Sometimes I got free stuff, much to the laughter and giggling of friends and family. (My cousin's husband used to urge me to write letters because he loved it when I got free stuff!). Sometimes I just got an apology. And you know what, the apology was fine. No matter the response, I felt like my opinion mattered. Now THAT is customer service.
Now let's look at customer service today. Oh, wait. There isn't any. We don't interact with people; instead we are sent to a website. Sometimes we are told to fill out a comment card. But you know what? I never hear from anyone anymore.
I miss the good ole days.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Project Pound Loss: Week 3 Boo Hiss!
I didn't lose this week. In fact, I gained. Not much, but I gained. So the question is, what went wrong? Here's what I know I didn't do this past week that I did on the weeks I lost: cook most of my own meals and track my food. Seriously, for me, eating out is going to be the death of me. It doesn't matter where you eat or what you eat, it is ALWAYS better to eat at home if weight loss is the goal. Even "grilled" things in restaurants are full of oils and fats because they keep the "grill" lubed so food doesn't stick. And they don't lube with cooking spray, let me tell you!! And we don't even need to talk about portions in restaurants ... a typical restaurant meal is 3 or 4 times the portion size we should be eating.
I remember a quote from Dolly Parton many years ago that I thought was weird at the time but now I think it's genius. Someone asked her how she kept her tiny waist and she said she eats a lot of fruits and vegetables and she really controls her portions. She said that whenever a plate of food is placed in front of her, she divides everything into threes: one for her to eat now, one for her to eat later, and one for her guardian angel that she leaves behind. And this was back when portion sizes were much more reasonable than they are now. Brilliant, I say.
I have made up stories in my head about why I gained this week. They make me feel less discouraged, but I realize they are just stories. The truth is, I gained 1.2. I just added another week until I reach my ultimate goal. That's a bummer, but it's not the end of the world. I remain committed and I'm working on discipline. Next week I'll be back to being "friends" with this project.
I remember a quote from Dolly Parton many years ago that I thought was weird at the time but now I think it's genius. Someone asked her how she kept her tiny waist and she said she eats a lot of fruits and vegetables and she really controls her portions. She said that whenever a plate of food is placed in front of her, she divides everything into threes: one for her to eat now, one for her to eat later, and one for her guardian angel that she leaves behind. And this was back when portion sizes were much more reasonable than they are now. Brilliant, I say.
I have made up stories in my head about why I gained this week. They make me feel less discouraged, but I realize they are just stories. The truth is, I gained 1.2. I just added another week until I reach my ultimate goal. That's a bummer, but it's not the end of the world. I remain committed and I'm working on discipline. Next week I'll be back to being "friends" with this project.
What is The Universe Trying to Tell Me?
I'm a big believer in creating the life I want by conscious thought and specific action. It's a relatively new attitude for me, so I'm still learning, I'm still asking for the wrong things, and I'm still trying to interpret. I believe the Universe delivers what you ask for, whether you realize you ask for it or not. You know what I mean: negativity begets negativity, positivity begets positivity. It's important to stay focused on the positive, on the present, and on what I want.
In December I declared out loud to God and everybody that I think solo practice is not for me and that I want to "try" - there's the first problem - and see if I can make a full-time schedule work with a particular firm. One of the reasons solo practice doesn't work for me is because I don't like marketing myself when my very livelihood depends on it. I also don't like dealing with the administrative stuff - filing, etc. And if you read my previous post, you already know I don't like that people think I work for free and that they don't have to pay me for my efforts. I also want security, health insurance, etc. But I love the easy schedule I currently have and I love the flexibility so I can spend time with my kids (though that did not work out how I thought it would when I went into business for myself. Another blog post on another day, perhaps). The questions I'm currently mulling are: what is most important to me? what working situation will give me the best balance? how long can I stay on this fence I'm currently sitting on?
So riddle me this: Why is it that (literally) right after I declared that solo practice is not for me and that I want to try a full-time schedule with this particular firm, clients started coming out of the woodwork? Seriously, I have had more client referrals in the past month than I have had the entire time I've been practicing on my own. What does it mean? What should I do? How did I create this? One friend thinks the Universe is telling me that I should not go work for someone else and I should stay self-employed, and the Universe is providing me with clients to enable me to do that. That's a fair interpretation, I suppose. But what if it is the Universe providing me with an opportunity to earn some money to make up for the "pay me, you owe me" clients I already have? Or, maybe the Universe is setting me up so that when I make the move to employment with someone else, I am more appealing because I have my own (albeit small) client base. It's interesting to say the least.
I need to take some quiet time and really figure out what I want. The Universe is not sending clear messages because I'm not sending clear requests.
In December I declared out loud to God and everybody that I think solo practice is not for me and that I want to "try" - there's the first problem - and see if I can make a full-time schedule work with a particular firm. One of the reasons solo practice doesn't work for me is because I don't like marketing myself when my very livelihood depends on it. I also don't like dealing with the administrative stuff - filing, etc. And if you read my previous post, you already know I don't like that people think I work for free and that they don't have to pay me for my efforts. I also want security, health insurance, etc. But I love the easy schedule I currently have and I love the flexibility so I can spend time with my kids (though that did not work out how I thought it would when I went into business for myself. Another blog post on another day, perhaps). The questions I'm currently mulling are: what is most important to me? what working situation will give me the best balance? how long can I stay on this fence I'm currently sitting on?
So riddle me this: Why is it that (literally) right after I declared that solo practice is not for me and that I want to try a full-time schedule with this particular firm, clients started coming out of the woodwork? Seriously, I have had more client referrals in the past month than I have had the entire time I've been practicing on my own. What does it mean? What should I do? How did I create this? One friend thinks the Universe is telling me that I should not go work for someone else and I should stay self-employed, and the Universe is providing me with clients to enable me to do that. That's a fair interpretation, I suppose. But what if it is the Universe providing me with an opportunity to earn some money to make up for the "pay me, you owe me" clients I already have? Or, maybe the Universe is setting me up so that when I make the move to employment with someone else, I am more appealing because I have my own (albeit small) client base. It's interesting to say the least.
I need to take some quiet time and really figure out what I want. The Universe is not sending clear messages because I'm not sending clear requests.
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