Saturday, January 15, 2011

Rules of Conduct for the Gym

Ladies who attend a gym, especially those of you who shower at the gym, I offer these rules of conduct:

1.  Do not wear perfume to the gym.  When you sweat it starts coming out of your pores and the odor is really strong.  And it's not a good odor.  I don't care what fragrance you wear ... sweat and perfume is an unpleasant mix.  Plus, I may not like the scent you're wearing so I don't need you to make it stronger.

2.  Wipe the equipment when you're done.  Even if you are not a sweaty Betty, you sweat when you exercise.  Even if you don't drip, your sweat gets on the equipment ... on handles, on seats, on padding.  I don't even like to touch my own sweat, I certainly don't want to touch yours. 

3.  Do not talk on the phone while you are exercising.  When you exercise and start breathing a little harder, you talk louder.  I can hear everything you say.  And I don't want to.

4.  When you shower, don't leave your hair all over the place.  If it comes out while you wash your hair, leave it on the drain so the custodian can remove it when the showers get cleaned.  Do not leave it stuck to the wall.  Or the faucet.  Or the soap dispenser.  Just sayin.

5.  If your hair falls out when you brush/comb/style it, throw it in the trash.  Do not leave it on the hand dryer.  Or the counter.  Or the floor.  Seriously.

6.  Do not bring your young children into the locker room.  I love kids, but not yours.  I don't like to be naked in front of my own kids so I definitely don't want to be naked in front of yours.  Besides, it's not safe for anyone when your two year old is climbing into the lockers and closing the door behind her.  Drop your children in the designated kids area.  That's what it's for.

7.  Look around.  You'll notice trash cans.  You know, for you to throw your trash in.  Don't leave it on the floor. Or on the benches.  And guess what?  They have them in the kids' area, the gym, AND the locker room.  Imagine that.

8.    Don't cut the line for zumba or any other popular exercise class.  People come early to ensure they get a spot.  They've taken time out of their day, and organized their schedule, because that class is important to them.  When you come in at the last minute, say "excuse me" and act like you're joining a friend but you're really just cutting the line, we want to hit you.  Hard.

9.  Rack your weights.  You were strong enough to pick them up, you're strong enough to put them back.  If they feel too heavy when it's time to put them away, you're using the wrong weight.  Try something lighter.

10.  When the gym is crowded and people are waiting, follow the gym's time limits.  Truly, I don't care if you spend 90 minutes at the gym every day, just don't do it on the same piece of equipment the entire time.

It's called common courtesy, people.  Use it.

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