I'm a big believer in creating the life I want by conscious thought and specific action. It's a relatively new attitude for me, so I'm still learning, I'm still asking for the wrong things, and I'm still trying to interpret. I believe the Universe delivers what you ask for, whether you realize you ask for it or not. You know what I mean: negativity begets negativity, positivity begets positivity. It's important to stay focused on the positive, on the present, and on what I want.
In December I declared out loud to God and everybody that I think solo practice is not for me and that I want to "try" - there's the first problem - and see if I can make a full-time schedule work with a particular firm. One of the reasons solo practice doesn't work for me is because I don't like marketing myself when my very livelihood depends on it. I also don't like dealing with the administrative stuff - filing, etc. And if you read my previous post, you already know I don't like that people think I work for free and that they don't have to pay me for my efforts. I also want security, health insurance, etc. But I love the easy schedule I currently have and I love the flexibility so I can spend time with my kids (though that did not work out how I thought it would when I went into business for myself. Another blog post on another day, perhaps). The questions I'm currently mulling are: what is most important to me? what working situation will give me the best balance? how long can I stay on this fence I'm currently sitting on?
So riddle me this: Why is it that (literally) right after I declared that solo practice is not for me and that I want to try a full-time schedule with this particular firm, clients started coming out of the woodwork? Seriously, I have had more client referrals in the past month than I have had the entire time I've been practicing on my own. What does it mean? What should I do? How did I create this? One friend thinks the Universe is telling me that I should not go work for someone else and I should stay self-employed, and the Universe is providing me with clients to enable me to do that. That's a fair interpretation, I suppose. But what if it is the Universe providing me with an opportunity to earn some money to make up for the "pay me, you owe me" clients I already have? Or, maybe the Universe is setting me up so that when I make the move to employment with someone else, I am more appealing because I have my own (albeit small) client base. It's interesting to say the least.
I need to take some quiet time and really figure out what I want. The Universe is not sending clear messages because I'm not sending clear requests.